Week 1 Results

The fatties have gotten on the scale for the first time. This is the time when we begin to see our first glimpse at who the potential serious contenders will be. The first time is always the hardest (that's what my father told me) so you could see the nervous trepidation on the faces of many. In case of stage freight a fully charged taser was available to act as a tool of encouragement. Per the below standings results it appears both ends of the spectrum have been represented with 2 competitors with 9lbs lost and 2 competitors with actual weight gain.


1st Place - Dan with 4.35% drop - 9lbs lost.
2nd Place - Brian with 4.21% drop - 9lbs lost.
3rd Place - Rahim with 2.25% drop - 5 lbs lost.
4th Place - Christian with 0.88% drop - 2 lbs lost.
5th Place - Marksman with 0.43% drop - 1lbs lost.
6th Place - Marco with -0.46% jump up - 1 lbs gained.
7th Place - Renee with -1.08% jump up - 2 lbs gained.


I am glad to see some people are taking this pool seriously. Renee and Marco; how in the world do you join a weight loss pool and gain weight. Was there a previously planned Hostess convention that you could not back out of? Did Betty Crocker send you a personal invitation to her Bake Off? Did food terrorists storm your home, tie you down, and terrorize you with delectable items form the local bakery and then force you to eat them? I bet I know the answer to all these questions. It might help to keep the below closed.

Dan - as a previous winner in the sprint event, he is showing this reporter that he means business yet again with 9 pounds coming off. Funny how he did not speak during our interview for this piece, he kept nodding his head up and down and side to side. I'm no idiot, but I think I should have looked for the stitches around the corner of his mouth. His advisor said something about some Honduran spiritual practice. Note Investigate!

Brian - This newcomer is making an impressive start and has the attention of this reporter and the weight loss community. Shedding 9 pounds the first week is setting himself up nicely for the next 7 weeks. Since we do not have any past history we can't gauge if he is a serious contender or a 1 week wonder, only time will tell. I must report though, this reporter has found the following newspaper clipping on his desk and it has me greatly concerned.

Further investigation will deem whether or not the BSAM FatMan's Rules Committee needs to begin an official investagtion. Unfortunately, organ donation is a old school trick to lose weight quickly.

Rahim - What can I say about Rahim, other than it must be tough being in a pool where no one likes you. This reporter finds him to be a very nice person and a wonderful conversationalist. A nice steady 5 pounds the first week shows that Rahim has been able to control his ADD enough to focus on staying out of the Fridge.

Christian - Another newcomer to this event and hard to judge his potential without any historical information to digest. Came in with a nice 2 pounds the first week and maybe he will use it as a base for future weight loss. We have inquiries out to our sources to see if there are any bones in the closet. We found them in his socks. This will be tough for Christian as he surrounded by women at work and he has been caught trading cooking recipes.

Marksman - The best description for this competitor is as the perennial lightweight in this event. Will always provide middle of the road effort, but has never been a serious contender for the winning cash. His kryptonite "Fudgie the Whale", this beast has been known to topple dynasties and men with complete abandon. One look from old Fudgie and the Marksman is powerless. He might as well be hanging with the crack addicts begging for cash on the streets. Don't let that smile fool you, That Whale is a KILLER!

Marco - This is probably the most surprising newsworthy event to come around this reporter for a very long time. To see a past champion, perform like this his first week is quite disturbing. I liken it to watching the disturbing video of Joe Theisman breaking his leg during a football game. But fat is fat and this chubbster could not keep his mouth closed. Let the scale fall where it falls! In Marco's defense, this reporter is aware of a special family function he attended this weekend and there was lots of food available.

Renee - Another newcomer who might want to reread the rules of the competition. A line from a the move, "Trains, Planes and Automobiles" says it best. "Your Going The Wrong Way" This reporter will cut this competitor a break as it is easy for the newcomer to get pushed to the back of the pack at the whistle. This reporter's advice is to get a compass so you get moving in the right direction.

THAT'S ALL TILL NEXT WEEK. FEEL FREE TO POST YOUR COMMENTS